A Little Help From My Friends

Most of us would rather be givers than takers. We prefer do a favor or buy a gift for someone else than accept one. We shudder at the idea that we might ever be dependent on our children for financial or physical assistance. We do not want to be a burden.

I was in a discussion group a while ago where this subject came up. One couple had lived in China and Africa for several years and described the tradition and, in fact, the law that mandates the care of aging parents by their children. “It’s accepted. In fact, it’s expected,” they said. “This is the only society we know of where this is not the case.”

Those of us over 60 were intrigued but not convinced. No way will that happen, we said, though not all of us really knew how we would make it to 90 in our present financial circumstances.

Sometimes, we just need help, and there is no way around it. We are sick or broke or have an accident or surgery and simply can’t get through this particular crisis alone. We either have to ask for help or accept it when it’s offered. I had such an experience today. I had to have a minor medical procedure, and the doctor insisted that I have someone drive me home when it was over. I considered taking a cab, but, in terms of getting home, this was not acceptable.

I mentioned this to my workout partner, who said, “No problem. I’ll drive you there,” settling the matter in five seconds. I thought I had the ride home taken care of when it fell through this morning. I didn’t want to do it, but I called another friend and said I needed a favor. “Of course,” she responded. “Do you have a ride there? I’ll be happy to pick you up, stay with you, and bring you home.” I was very touched but assured her I had the first one covered and would be fine alone. She and her husband picked me up in a dismal rain, walked me to my door, and kissed me goodbye.

I’m doing as the doctor ordered: taking it easy for the rest of the day. I’m also contemplating the value of good friends who graciously came through when I needed them. Sometimes, despite our stubbornness on this issue, it really is better to receive than to give.